Tears. That was all. The first scene of the episode was so intense, so hard, so emotional, that I burst into tears. But that was just the beginning, because the episode was going to be a roller coaster of emotions for Quinn. And Rupert has done it in such a masterful way that it is impossible not to feel absolutely broken after this episode. Broken in a totally indescribable way. Rupert, you did it again.
It was all about words, words that had to be said, words that hurt. Because truth hurts.
Carrie: What, I don’t care?
I don’t care so much I visited you in the hospital every day?
I don’t care so much I took you into my home?
I lost my daughter?
I don’t care so much I fucking dropped everything when your hooker girlfriend showed up out of the blue and said you needed me.
Quinn: You had no choice.
Carrie: Oh, believe me, I did.
Quinn: You owe me.
Carrie: And why’s that?
Quinn: Because you made me this way!
In Berlin, you woke me from a coma for answers.
I don’t have them.
You keep saying you saved my life. You killed it.
You made this stroke.
Carrie: Who told you that?
Quinn: You only care because you got found out.
Carrie: No. Quinn…
Quinn: You did this to me!
It’s always your mission, your mission, the mission!
Carrie: That is not true. That is not true.
Quinn: You made me a fucking monkey!
But in the end, words that don’t help to feel better. Because deep down he just need one thing. He need to heal, his body but specially his soul. Because nothing is as before, he’s not as before, he thinks he can’t be good for anyone… But there is something that doesn’t allow him to do it. It is not the first time we hear him say “Let me go,” I just think he makes that plea to the wrong person. It is him who must let Quinn go, the Quinn he is not anymore. He needs to find peace, accept who he is, and continue his way.
Carrie: It’s true what you said last night, about Berlin.
I told myself… I was doing what you would want me to do, preventing an attack.
And I should have told you. I know. And it’s not just the mission. It never has been.
Quinn: You got to let me go.
And stop feeling guilty about everything that happens in the world. That way of hating himself, so painful, so traumatic. It is too heavy burden even for him.
Quinn: He killed Astrid.
Quinn. She came all the way from Berlin to take care of me, and…
Carrie: And what?
Quinn: I’m so f-fucked up… up here, I thought she came to hurt me.
I took the bullets out of her gun, and she couldn’t defend herself when he came.
I killed her.
Carrie: No, you did not. You did not. That guy did.
Carrie: at least I understand, now, what happened here.
Quinn: You don’t.
Quinn: You don’t. This is what I do.
Carrie: Don’t even say that.
Quinn: It’s all I can do.
Quinn: Because there’s nothing here. There never was.
Carrie: Shut the fuck up!
And you… changed… after the stroke. We both know it, and I am so, so sorry,
what I did to you.
Quinn: You didn’t do anything. I’ve always been this way.
Although who knows, after the Revenge, maybe he will begin to find his way. And that revenge just begun. Maybe he was so hard on that guy thinking about himself, don’t you think?
The point is that… In the depths of his heart, in a place that even he is not able to find, he maybe doesn’t want to go anywhere … he has that inner fight, against his monsters, but it’s clear, there’s something that doesn’t let him go … Can you feel it??
On a side note, I thought this was the best moment for Carrie to talk about the letter, but it is obvious that there is a barrier between them that don’t allow to Carrie and Quinn to be absolutely clear on a more personal side. It’s curious how after saying so many things, at the same time, there can be so many things left to say … I honestly don’t think that in the last episode there will be time for that, the episode that changes everything is on the way, so, the same way we had to wait two seasons to know the contents of the letter, I think now we will have to wait for this.
And next Sunday… The season finale… Noooooooo!!!